The Fates of Life

Creating fate out of nothing at all

Deep, nonchalant and profound – or so that is how I seem to appear. I, like every other human being, have a back story to this calm, carefree attitude.

I once came across a theory that said your experiences during childhood reflects who you are today. As I absorbed the theory and understood it, moments of my childhood flashed into my mind; I realised how it applied to whom I have become.

The kids are fine, biding their time within the tide,

Expanding their minds to the creations they find

Before the present becomes past and the joy within slowly dies

When I was much much younger, I grew like every other child, playing around with a happy-go-lucky attitude. I had so much fun with my friends in playschool, I never realised how fast I was growing.

Then came a day where darkness loomed the air. All it took was one very short conversation between me and my dad. “Dad, when is mum coming back?” My dad, looking disappointed, reluctantly said, “She isn't, son.” That night, my pillow was soaked as the tears couldn't stop from falling.

After that, my childhood became distraught. I still managed to see my mum during the weekends but it wasn't the same. It felt like the connection of ying and yang was torn asunder. They may have been happy apart but there I was, alone in a heap of pain.

Where are we in this simple twist of fate,

Crying aloud and running away into the world behind eden's gate?

My love for fairy tales helped lessen the pain. As I built castles in the sky, I entered the door Alice opened into Wonderland – freeing myself from the dastardly life known as reality into a world where I knew I was safe and sound. It was so hard to awake from the warmth of my bed, where I was floating along an endless river of dreams.

Instead of building bridges, I constantly placed bricks upon my wall. Life felt like a clouded thunderstorm. No longer was I having fun with my fellow friends. The warmth from my bed was all that I longed for. I was so afraid of having my heart broken again that I never even considered allowing others into my domain.

I tried and tried to overcome this grief of yearning for that happiness I once revelled in. The joy shared between me and my parents was a broken bond. Oh, how I longed for the days where I was dreaming my dreams in the same bed in between my parents.

Through the whispers of love and the sailing of the white dove,

With the song it strummed through the beating of the drum,

The nightingale with its melody so plain, here to mesmerize,

“Do not be afraid of the bringer of change.” said he.

“Although they come and go, friends will always be there to care

Or lonesome will tear in as the rain starts pouring in.”

Some time passed, and I began to allow friends to enter my lonesome domain. I slowly accepted the friendship of others. It wasn't easy to blend in and at times I tried too hard – that never works out well. Eventually, as my number of friends started to grow, slowly I pulled away from the pain. Finally, a place I could call home.

My birth parents both decided to marry other people and here I was, unable to accept the burden of two other parents into my life. How could I possibly manage to do so, when I never even managed to understand the meaning of love and trust from my very own parents?

The pain grew on as my mum started to run out of money and forced my hand into suing my very own father. Seeing the tears of disappointment in my dad, I couldn't bear but to allow the tears I left so long ago to start flowing again.

I neglected my life for a couple of years, letting myself be intoxicated by substances that led me away from this reignited pain. During this period, I ran away from home to enjoy the company of my family of friends. In my head, I felt like I no longer had a home.

This predicament did not last long as I couldn't last a month on my own with the meagre monthly allowance my dad gave me. However, I did learn a valuable lesson. I needed a skill to overcome this worthless life I had been living.

I decided to pick up reading and fate brought me unto a book that changed my way of life – George Orwell's 1984. After countless amount of hours spent on reading books, articles, poetry, philosophy, anything I could get my hands on, I decided to learn how to teach and spread the wealth of knowledge I had consumed at the end of the couple of years I had neglected.

While I was doing so, I managed to overcome this pain I once considered excruciating. Through the knowledge I had gained, I came to an understanding that this world is filled with even worse dastardly deeds.

Motivated by the pain and suffering of our pasts,

We shall overcome the obstacles of our predicaments,

As we look for better philosophies to make way for poetry in a modern day.

Sanford Lyne's Writing Poetry from the inside out was another book that fate brought me to. From reading this, I gained an interest in writing. After writing poetry and realising I could actually do it, I worked towards improving my writing ability.

Bob Dylan's ability in writing lyrics through a mind of a poet inspired me further. Although I did not know him, he was like a brother I never had, as I took the time to understand every word.

Since then, I have been expanding my knowledge and learning something new everyday. Whether it was good or bad, truth or lie, it did not matter. I once read the words of a Spanish poet, Federico Garcia Lorca, comparing writing poetry to “hunting a tiger without a rifle”. Through the darkness I had experienced and the knowledge I have gathered, it wasn't really a problem for me to apply such a practice.

Opportunities will come through the heat and the cold;

How fast or how slow, the tortoise and the hare will never know.

Although I went through a period of darkness, I managed to find the glimmer of light. Although most of the time I spent seem wasted, I never regretted any of them. While I was trying my best to breathe underwater, I managed to come up for air and adopt a keen power of observation and understanding.

Although I went through excruciating pain and nearly gave up on life, I managed to find my pillar of hope. I gained an ample amount of friends I daresay I will treasure till my dying day. From then onwards, I looked at my parents and pitied them. I could tell they felt responsible for the predicament I went through but still, I would never abandon my love for them. Everyone I knew probably felt that I was walking towards a meaningless path, but alas, I have proven them wrong and diverted myself onto a path I was born to walk upon.